Overcome Shyness

Many children are shy, some of them become shy in certain situations, like meeting new kids or people, or certain places like at school or when on the stage, but a few of them truly struggle with their excessive shyness. Sometimes it's a phase that the child will come through in very little time. Sometimes it's more of a personality trait that's likely to be lifelong. The good thing is that being shy doesn't have to get in the way of being happy. If your child feels OK with being shy and it doesn't last for a prolong period of time then it may not be as big problem. Let your child to know that it is okay to be shy. Some children may be surprised to find out how many other kids are also just as shy. Talk to your child about some of the consequences of shyness, such as having people sometimes mistake it for arrogance and sometimes missing out on meeting new friends or taking part in great opportunities. Work with your child on finding ways to solve those problems while still respecting your kid's needs. Maybe small groups will be a better fit for your child. Think about it.

Help your child to triumph over the shyness!

Build his/her self-confidence. Find out if there are certain areas where your child feels insecure that are leading to the shyness, and work on helping to improve those. Provide your child with lots of areas to excel, opportunities to prove himself, and activities to build self confidence. Also remember that all different things give kids a feeling of confidence, e.g. new outfit or a great hairstyle can give a kid that extra something he/she needs to feel braver.

Create places that will be his/her "territory." It's always easier to feel self confident when we feel like we're someplace we belong. Try to give your kid at least a handful of places like this. If possible, try to set up new meetings in places where your child feels at home.

Provide your child with ready answers, phrases to use in different situations. It will help the kid to know the right things to say in new situations or with new people. Talk about what sorts of things he/she can say to kids he/she would like to approach just to get a conversation started, for instance introducing yourself, e.g. "Hi, I'm ______. What's your name?" or giving a complement, e.g. "I like your face painting." Brainstorm together about lines can be said to break the ice with potential friends and with groups of people. Remind your kid that body language, like a smile, eye contact, closer distance can show other kids that you want to be friends.

Practice playing roles. Set up situations and talk through them with your child, just to get ideas on how he/she can act and what to say. Make it jolly to keep it optimistic, and take turns playing different characters.

Teach getting ready for a conversation by following simple steps: calm yourself down by taking few deeper breaths, count silently to 5, make an eye contact and go:

"Hi, I'm Basia. What's your name?" "My name is Rapunzel."