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Friday, April 18, 2014

Meaning of Feelings and Emotions

To teach our children how to express own Feelings and Emotions we have to understand and be able to identify them ourselves. Each of the emotion has a specific purpose and place in our life. We need happiness, sadness, anger, fear, jealousy, envy, guilt, grief, shame, and even depression every now and then. One of the biggest trick to leave a happy live is to let the emotion come and go, and to not treat it one better or more important than the other. Here they are after Karla McLaren based on her book “The Language of Emotions.”
Happiness
Happiness is a rest stop emotion. If we treat happiness as an emotion we need all the time, we’ll suffer without necessity when our other emotions arise. If all we know and all we want is happiness, we’ll tend to avoid, ignore, suppress, or mistreat our other emotions, and then we won’t be happy too often. When we work skillfully with “negative” emotions subsequently we feel happy, contented, or pleased.

Sadness
Sadness is an emotion that most of us try to avoid; nevertheless listening to sadness can help us to let go of things that don’t work, so that we can make changes in our lives and room for things that work for us. Sadness has a powerful physical component that drops us downhill - and if it stays activated for too long, it can obstruct our sleep, eating, or even our hormonal system. Just as it is with any other emotion, sadness shouldn’t be with us forever. It should do its job and move forward. Grieving is a negative emotion and much different from sadness. Grief arises not when we need to let something go, but when we have no choice about letting it go, and when we’re losing something over which we have no control. Grieving is a slow and languid process that takes its own time.

Anger
Anger is a mood state, but quite important. It helps us to set boundaries, protect our sense of self, and take our stand in the world. Anger helps us to guard our position, voice, standpoint, and individuality. Anger is a very social emotion, which brings us a great deal of energy, forcefulness, and focus. If we can understand its nuances and subtleties, we can function more intelligently in our social world. When we know we feel anger, we can make an intelligent emotional decision about what to do. We should ask ourselves a question: What must be protected or restored?  Asking the inner question can help us to direct that intensity into a healthy action.

Fear
Fear is our intuition, the emotion that tells us when change is occurring, when we need to adjust to something in our environment, and when we need to take action to avoid harm or injury. We must be aware of the fact that fear requires us to check in and figure out what we’re being alerted to. Asking a question: What action should we take? can help us to identify and work with our fear in useful way. Fear is a lifesaving emotion that primes our brain, muscles, and all of our senses for action. If our fear is stuck in a feedback loop, we may become overwhelmed and exhausted by the activation it causes.  It’s important to be able to calm our body so that we can get back into a workable relationship with our fear.

Shame and Guilt
Guilt is a concrete status; we are either guilty or not guilty, while shame is a natural emotion, a consequence of guilt and misconduct. When we didn’t do something wrong, we are not guilty. However, if we are guilty, and we want to know what to do about the fact of our guilt, then we have to learn to work with the information shame brings to us. Here is a positive aspect of shame. The practice for shame is to understand it as anger toward ourselves, which means that we can make reparation and change our behavior. This kind of shame is called “appropriate shame,” because it relates to something real and fixable. If our shame is appropriate, it will stop us from doing something we shouldn’t do, and it will help us to change our behavior and make amends. However, there is another form of shame called “applied” or “foreign” shame, which comes from shaming messages we pick up from others and incorporate into our life. Applied shame can be toxic, especially if it relates to us not being good enough, smart enough, lovable enough, etc.) In that case we need to work on a good strategy to end applied shame.

Jealousy and Envy
Even though jealousy and envy are separate emotional states they carry similar information. Jealousy arises in response to unfaithfulness or deceit in an intimate relationship, while envy arises in response to the unfair distribution of resources or recognition. Both emotions contain a mixture of boundary-protecting anger and intuitive fear. Both exist to help us to set or restore lost boundaries after they’ve assessed an authentic risk to our security or our position. On the other hand, if we suppress our jealousy and envy, we would have trouble to identify or relate to reliable companions, and we would be disrupted by our disastrous attempts to bolster our self-respect and security. Both jealousy and envy arise when we have detected a risk to our social and personal security. Shutting them down is incorrect. When we stifle our jealousy and envy, we not only lose our awareness of the situations that brought them forward, but also we lose our emotional agility, our instincts, and our ability to navigate through our social world and relationships.
To learn appropriate vocabularies go to
from “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren
Or another choice http://www.sba.pdx.edu/faculty/mblake/448/FeelingsList.pdf

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